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The CTRM Oscar Ceremony

The events from the Dolby Theatre the other day got me thinking about an Oscar ceremony for CTRM software vendors. I first heard the word Dolby when I was a teenager and bought my first ‘tape deck and amp’. It had Dolby sound and a switch to select that mode. I could never see the point of not selecting it actually. It sounded a bit ‘tinny’ – I should have had my digital storage oscilloscope to hand to optimise my woofers. Still, Black Dog and Sweet Child in Time sounded OK, so I should care.

So how would this work? I guess picking a venue is a good as place to start as any. Should it be at a client’s site, or would that give away the winner? Mind you, I know of several large organisations that seemed to have every single CTRM software on the planet – maybe we could pick one of those?

How about at a systems integrator / CTRM consultancy outfit? Maybe not – the audience may be worried the ceremony would last 4 years (although it was only supposed to last 90 minutes)……
Well I suppose the old favourite – a hotel. But which one? Oh, and what country, continent, city?

I think somewhere neutral would be best. Switzerland, maybe. It’s popular with traders and chocoholics – perfect. So a hotel in Zurich – I’ll search for one later on.

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Who would be the MC for such an event? It would have to be Gary or Patrick – or maybe someone even more famous, were that possible?

What categories are there and how do we evaluate the solutions for each individual category?

Obviously best overall CTRM is the main Oscar – how do we define best? … Lowest cost? … Fastest to implement? … Meets all the requirements in the RFP . N.B. Someone once told me that RFP stood for ‘’really funny parameters’’ – I think I know the RFP they meant. Here’s my favourite – Works out of the box. OK – I’m really sorry but I have NEVER seen a CTRM system delivered in a box. How big would this box be? Would it be bigger if it had complex risk analytics functionality? If it had logistics as well, it wouldn’t even fit into the Oscar venue it would be that big.

Now for the all-important sub categories: –
Best supporting role – well that would go to the service department of course
Best animated feature –awarded to the project manager’s reaction after the development team told him it needed another 4 weeks in factory acceptance testing
Best costume design – to the proposal that was dressed up as the final offer
Best director – obviously, the sales director that won the deal
Best Makeup – the marketing literature for the winning CTRM
Best original story – the marketing literature for the winning CTRM!!
Best Adapted Screenplay – goes to the configuration team
Best visual effects – the client’s purchasing manager when he realised the vendor had expected to give another 20% discount
Live action short film – the web demo for the winning CTRM

Wait Gary – you’ve opened the wrong envelope – you’ve awarded the best CTRM to the vendor who won the wooden spoon. Too late, they’re giving the acceptance speech….

……………Thank you, thank you – thanks to all our clients. We have a significant number of customers now in our client portfolio. Our client growth was infinite last year and has doubled again this year. We are overwhelmed by your vote of confidence. It clearly justifies our ‘next generation’ software approach.

…………..OK – hold on – another of my favourites…Next Generation…every CTRM seems to be ‘Next Generation’. Why are there no ‘This Generation’ CTRM systems. or even better, being a big Who fan, ‘My Generation’ solutions? Think of the publicity slogan – Talking About My Generation CTRM…Does Next Generation mean it won’t be finished until I have grandchildren who probably won’t be in the least bit interested in trading systems?? Who knows (a new album title maybe??) ……………………..……We are delighted that you voted for our Next Generation, Out of the Box, User Friendly solution, despite the fact we said the risk module would be deliverable by 20.20. I know you all thought that meant twenty past eight in the evening, and we didn’t correct you. Sorry for that. We are so pleased to be working with our system integration partners – who also managed the Oscar ceremony so unsuccessfully. We must thank our sales team for being so creative in their response to the RFP and of course the developer who has put the product together and tested most of it.

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