North Korea – A Guest Blog by David Calmonson

I thought that may get your attention. I was thinking more about a North Career summit – i.e. are there any jobs worth doing in the North (sorry – a bit UK focussed) as opposed to the South?

I’m from Manchester. That’s probably a huge surprise to those of you who have read my earlier blogs. I’ve been lucky. It’s never really seemed to hamper my career prospects. I’ve worked from home most of my life, sometimes popping into the office when I’ve been needed at a sales meeting whether that’s been in Harrogate, London, Farnborough, Dallas or Sacramento!

It’s incredible what you can do from home these days – but I remember starting off working from home well before the internet (t’internet in the North) and mobile phones (handies or cells for my huge overseas fan base – mind you, I’m not keen on the epithet ‘handy’ as it sometimes means something else….)

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I clearly remember coming home from a soon-to-be-closed office with the fax machine tucked underneath my arm that was to be soon disposed of. Actually, it was that big that it almost needed a removal firm to transport it.  Bizarrely, I offered it to a new electricity entrant recently as apparently you still need one to communicate with National Grid in the U.K. for some purposes. They were dumbfounded – it’s great to see how we have progressed in GB!!

I went up in the loft over the weekend to find the fax but it seems to have disappeared. I did find some fax paper and also some weird looking paper rolls that I think were from a printer integrated into a data logger I used to sell. I now remember that the paper was heat sensitive so if you didn’t photo-copy it quickly it just faded so all your logging results vanished. Useful.

I doubt someone has stolen the fax, but I’ll be on the look-out the next time I visit National Grid!

So what of a North Career summit? What sort of careers are peculiar to this part of the world – of course related to energy / energy trading / technology etc, or this blog would be even more meaningless than most of them…

E-commerce. This a general career connected to sales and marketing of, for example, sheep, terriers,  black puddings, cheese and Yorkshire puddings – i.e. anything from Yorkshire.

Market trader – A great job for those who just want to work on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays* (* in the summer only)

Cross Hedge Specialist – This is an expert in constructing barriers between different farm owners

Cash Market Traders – Learn how to avoid the VAT when you are selling your sheep by being in the real money

Risk Manager – When it’s pouring with rain on a Sunday afternoon, this is a great job for someone who likes organising competitions in very long and boring board games

Dew Diligence Specialist – Check out the grass in the summer to make sure it’s well-watered

VBA Solution Specialist – This is basically a translation service from Yorkshire to English (VBA = Very Broad Accent)

Compliance Analyst – Commodities. This is a career that ensures organisations are consistent in procurement – literally comparing apples with apples

Blockchain Specialist – Unfortunately this was a misprint. It was in the plumbing careers section and was meant to read ‘blocked drain specialist’

Python Developer – This was also an error. It seems there are only Adders in the North of England

Agricultural Trader – Become an estate agent specialising in buying & selling farms and livestock

Senior crude trader-  stand up comedian majoring in blue humour

Market Risk Analyst – advisor on whether to take a stall at this year’s Yorkshire show

So I’m going to go back into my loft now to have another look for the fax machine. Maybe I’ll check out the pigeons whilst I’m there. After that I’m going to race the ferrets. I’m looking forward to next year when we get electricity!

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